My New Favourite Shill — Part Three: All Good Things Must End

In the season finale of our ongoing hit series, Gerry explains why he “stands up” for China.

Gerry Take #7 — The Trump Card

How would you know that we’re engaging in a genocide when you’re not even here? Checkmate.

Yes, we have officially entered elementary school argument territory.

Bonus points for the complete lack of self awareness required to call out “toxic propaganda” and simultaneously defend China.

Gerry Take #8 — No better form of government than autocracy and the misery it exports

No one has demonstrated to him why it’s wrong. Seems more like a failure of the Australian education system than anything else. But if no one has been able to explain it to Gerry then Gerry must be right. In keeping with the theme, this is the equivalent of putting your fingers in your ears and chanting “la la la I can’t hear you.”

Gerry Take #9 — If so many kids were murdered in the Tiananmen Square massacre then where are the parents to complain about it?

You’d think those Jews milling about in 1940’s Germany would have spoken up or something.

There you have it. Gerry stands for truth and justice because he lives there and knows what it’s really like. His friends do too. Really. They see how great it is and how everything that we find out and prove beyond all reasonable doubt is nothing but lies because they are there and you and I are not. Your media is corrupt, my autocratic nightmare state uses an “acceptable degree of surveillance” to ensure things run smoothly while we continue to not vote for our leaders or even have the option of openly criticizing the government.

I’ll leave you with my favourite Gerry Take. There are so many and more continue to be created regularly so it’s difficult to pin down an all-time favourite. Is it his insistence that there’s a soccer field in the death camp so it can’t be a death camp? His explanation that you can’t insult the leaders (out of respect, of course) but you’ll never ever ever face any consequences for an opinion or grievance you post online? Decisions, decisions.

After some soul searching, I came to the conclusion that it had to be something fundamental. Gerry is an unending fountain of doublethink and nonsense but what makes him special is his mission to prove that he isn’t what he so obviously is: a shill. And his explanation, his reasoning as to why you should not doubt him, is what makes this one my favourite.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is my privilege to present to you…

Gerry Take #10 — Why Gerry And His Ilk Are Trustworthy

“What we do have on our side is very easy to understand, it’s called truth.”

Well, I’m sold.